Parenting is one of the most important yet challenging jobs in the world. As Christian parents, we want to raise our children in a godly way that honors the Lord. While there is no perfect formula, here are 10 key principles that can guide us in nurturing our kids with wisdom, grace, and love.
1. Verbalize your love.
Tell your children often that you love them. But along with that, don't just say "I love you" routinely - add meaning with specifics like "I love how you take time to help others" or "I love your joyful spirit." Use words that build up their inner person. Share your feelings openly so they know who they are in your eye. The home should be the primary source of unconditional love and acceptance.
2. Listen first before correcting.
When your child shares their thoughts, ideas, or problems, resist the urge to immediately deny or negate them. Listen intently to understand why they think or feel that way. Reflect back to them what you hear. Then take time to gently offer guidance if needed. Don't criticize their thoughts - show you value them.
3. Avoid shaming questions.
Questions like "What's wrong with you?" imply the child is faulty. This damages their self-image. Nobody is perfect. If they make unwise choices, re-direct them calmly. Remind them of their strengths and potential for good. If they make poor choices, ask gently, "How can I help you make a better choice?" Focus on solutions, not condemnation.
4. Don't compare their current love.
Saying "You don't love me like you used to" unfairly judges a child's changing expressions of love as they grow. As kids mature, their love deepens from outward displays to inward commitment. Babies show affection through hugs and kisses. Older kids show love by spending intentional one-on-one time together. Teens show love through trust and openness. Affirm all positive growth.
5. Don't attach shame to mistakes.
When disciplining children, focus on the specific behavior, not their character. Say, "That choice was unkind," rather than, "You are so mean." Correct with patience, not anger or guilt. Instill hope they can improve. Then move forward in forgiveness.
6. Establish family values in advance.
As parents, proactively identify your biblical values like integrity, kindness, diligence, purity, etc. Set expectations based on these principles. For example, how you speak to one another, manage conflict, complete chores, use devices, choose entertainment, etc. Consistency creates security. Train children in what your family stands for.
7. Set consequences ahead of time.
When establishing rules, clearly explain in advance what consequences fit each infraction. Decide appropriate consequences for misbehaviors before they occur. This prevents rash over-punishment in the heat of the moment. It also helps kids understand why actions bring consequences. Make sure punishments fit the infraction and maturity level. Wise consequences match the behavior and age of the child.
8. Check your own heart first.
Your reactions often reflect your own upbringing more than your child's heart. When you feel angry at a child’s behavior, pause and ask God to check your heart before reacting. Your responses often reveal hurts from your own upbringing more than the reality of the situation. Let God purify your motives in order to lovingly discipline.
9. Stay humble as they grow up.
Adjust your level of control and input as your child develops independence and wisdom. See each new phase as an opportunity for growth for you both. Remain involved while letting go. Most conflicts happen during times of transition to adulthood. Walk humbly.
10. Admit you don't have all the answers.
When kids ask difficult questions, don't feel like you need to have a perfect answer. Admit if you don't know something. Then explore resources together. Let your children see your genuine faith as you rely on God's wisdom, not your own. Model humility. Godly parenting requires a teachable spirit.
Parenting With Grace
While good principles create a strong foundation, remember that every child and family is unique. Don't compare or compete with others' parenting styles. Walk in grace, not guilt, when you fall short. Just like God patiently parents us, keep loving your kids through their ups and downs.
When things get difficult, lean on God's strength and wisdom, not your own. Let Him fill you with unconditional love, forgiveness, kindness, and compassion far greater than yourself. He will be faithful to guide you as you guide your little ones.
Your family can grow into a beautiful reflection of our perfect heavenly Father by relying fully on Him. His love never fails. The years fly by so quickly, so cherish each moment you have to shape their hearts and lives for His glory.
