Have you ever found yourself scrolling through social media, only to feel a pang of envy as you see someone else's success or happiness? Or perhaps you've watched a friend or colleague receive recognition for something you've been working towards, and felt that uncomfortable mix of happiness for them and disappointment for yourself?

If so, you're not alone. Jealousy is a universal human experience, one that I've grappled with personally throughout my life. In fact, my earliest memory of jealousy dates back to when I was just four years old, living in Texas. I vividly remember coveting my friend Megan's Barbie car, wishing desperately that I had one of my own.

But jealousy isn't just a childhood problem – it's an emotion that can plague us well into adulthood, often with far more serious consequences than simply wanting a toy. Today, I want to explore the dark side of jealousy and how it can impact our lives if left unchecked.

Understanding Jealousy: More Than Meets the Eye

Before we dive deeper, let's define what we mean by jealousy. At its core, jealousy is being envious of someone who has something we do not have. But it's far more complex than that simple definition suggests.

Jealousy is just the tip of the iceberg, concealing a whole array of hidden and unseen emotions beneath the surface. It can encompass feelings ranging from fear and rage to suspicion, humiliation, insecurity, and resentment. This complexity is precisely why jealousy can be so challenging for us to address.

From a biblical perspective, this kind of jealousy is considered a sin. It's not meant to be characteristic of a Christian. When we're jealous, it shows that we're still being controlled by our own desires rather than trusting in God's plan for our lives.

The Three Dark Impacts of Jealousy

In my experience, both personally and as a pastor, I've observed that jealousy can have three primary negative impacts on our lives:

1. It causes us to deny our emotions

2. It leads us to doubt our God

3. It damages our relationships

Let's explore each of these in more detail.

1. Denying Our Emotions: The Danger of Suppression

One of the most insidious aspects of jealousy is how it can lead us to deny our true feelings. We often view jealousy as a childish or un-Christian emotion, something to be embarrassed about. As a result, we try to suppress it, covering it up with boasting or lying, as James 3:14 warns against.

I experienced this firsthand about ten years ago when I moved to Georgia to attend the School of Ministry. I had been planning for over a year to attend this school, only to have a friend decide to join me at the last minute. When she received prophetic words two nights in a row, I found myself struggling with intense jealousy.

But instead of acknowledging these feelings, I tried to suppress them. The result? My jealousy manifested in other ways:

• Bitterness towards my friend
• Insecurity and constant comparison- Isolation from others
• Defensiveness when anyone suggested I might be jealous

It wasn't until my director encouraged me to honestly examine my feelings that I realized the truth: I was jealous, sad, and lonely. This honesty was painful, but it was also the first step towards healing.

As Lysa TerKeurst wisely says, "Honesty does not hurt you, it heals you." By denying our emotions, we rob ourselves of the opportunity for growth and healing.

2. Doubting Our God: When Jealousy Shakes Our Faith

At its core, jealousy is a faith issue. It causes us to doubt God's plan for our lives and His goodness towards us. James 1:6-8 compares a doubting person to a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. This instability can lead us to become double-minded, unsure of how to act or pray.

We see this played out in the biblical story of Sarah. Despite God's promises to bless her and Abraham with many descendants, Sarah's jealousy and doubt led her to take matters into her own hands. Her decision to have Abraham sleep with her servant Hagar only created more problems and pain.

I've felt this temptation to doubt God's plan in my own life. During my time at the School of Ministry, there were moments when I thought, "Maybe this wasn't God's plan after all. Let's reroute." But jealousy will always tell you to give up. It's faith in God's promises that will stabilize you.

3. Damaging Our Relationships: The Relational Cost of Envy

Perhaps the most visible impact of jealousy is how it can damage our relationships with others. Jealousy often begins with disappointment, which can lead to sadness, discontentment, and eventually bitterness and resentment towards others.

I've experienced this in my own life as my husband and I have been trying to start a family. After years of trying to conceive and experiencing the pain of a miscarriage, I found myself struggling with jealousy towards friends who became pregnant easily.

I remember sitting in a women's small group when the topic of having children came up. Without thinking, I blurted out, "Well, it better be me next. I'm the only one trying!" Later that night, I learned that another close friend in the group was also pregnant.

At that moment, I faced a choice: allow jealousy to consume me or choose a different path. It wasn't easy, but with God's help, my friends and I were able to be honest with each other, prayerful, and supportive of each other's journeys.

Overcoming Jealousy: Finding the Bright Side in Jesus

So, how do we combat the dark side of jealousy? In his letter to the Philippians, Paul gives us three key pieces of wisdom:

1. Rejoice
"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4 NKJV)
Choosing to rejoice in the Lord, regardless of our circumstances, leads to peace about our situation. It's an acknowledgment that God is in control, even when things don't go as we planned.

2. Meditate
"Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." (Philippians 4:8 NKJV)

By focusing our minds on what is good and praiseworthy, we can shift our perspective away from jealousy and towards gratitude.

3. Learn Contentment
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:11-13 NIV)

Paul's secret to contentment wasn't in his circumstances, but in his relationship with Jesus Christ. It's Jesus who gives us the strength to be content, even when life feels utterly unfair.

Choosing Contentment Over Jealousy

Jealousy is a complex and challenging emotion, one that can have serious negative impacts on our lives if left unchecked. It can cause us to deny our true feelings, doubt God's plan for our lives, and damage our relationships with others.

But there is hope. By choosing to rejoice in all circumstances, meditating on what is good and praiseworthy, and learning contentment through Christ, we can overcome the dark side of jealousy.

Remember, Jesus is the bright side. He is the only force strong enough to grant you the contentment you need when life feels unfair, when you feel overlooked, or when God says it's not your season yet.

As David wrote in Psalm 23:
"God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction. Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I'm not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd's crook makes me feel secure." (MSG)

No matter what you're facing today, run to Christ. In Him, you'll find the strength to overcome jealousy and embrace true contentment.