I've been thinking a lot lately about legacy, about what we pass down to the next generation. Not just in our personal families, but in our church family too. Because here's the truth: City of Life has made it 40 years, and when most churches don't even make it past a decade, that's not an accident. There's something my parents understood when they started this church, something that's kept us thriving all these years.
We are a multi-generational family.
Trading Our Identities for Something Greater
The Apostle Paul writes in Galatians 3:28, "In Christ Jesus, there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." I love adding to this list. There's no Cowboys fans (definitely not Giants fans), no Black or White or Latino. Not rich, not poor. Not Dominican or Puerto Rican or Brazilian. You trade all those things for something more valuable.
In the kingdom, we trade our individual identities for something greater. We become one in Christ Jesus.
And here's the beautiful part: Joel 2:28 promises, "I will pour out my spirit on all flesh. Your sons and daughters shall prophesy. Old men shall see dreams." There's room for every generation in God's kingdom. I don't want a church with just young, cool people. I want every single generation praising God right beside each other, honoring one another. Because when we get to heaven, there won't be age-based groups. The only qualifier is whether you know Jesus or not.
The Power of Intentional Family Values
Let me share something that'll blow your mind. There was a study done over 150 years ago tracing two family lines: Max Jukes and Jonathan Edwards. Max Jukes was an unbelieving man who married a woman of similar character, lacking any moral or spiritual principle. Jonathan Edwards was one of the great preachers in history who married a woman of God with like character and intentional family values.
The results? From Max Jukes' line of over 1,200 descendants: 310 became professional vagrants, 440 physically wrecked their lives through debauched lifestyle, 130 were sent to prison for an average of 13 years each, seven were murderers, over 100 became alcoholics, 60 became habitual thieves, and 190 became public prostitutes. The cost to the state was approximately $1.5 million with no positive contribution.
From Jonathan Edwards' family line: over 100 became college professors, over 100 became attorneys, 30 became judges, 60 became physicians, over 60 became authors of classic books, 14 became presidents of universities, three became United States Congressmen, and one became Vice President of the United States.
Legacy is not accidental. Culture reproduces culture.
Breaking the Cycle
How does this affect you? What is the culture of the family you come from? Maybe you're stuck in a cycle of alcoholism, abuse, or having family members in prison. Someone needs to pioneer a better family culture and put their foot down to say, "This is going to be hard, but I'm drawing this line in the sand. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15).
Somebody has to stand up and make a decision. It's you. You're the one who must stand up.
Even if you had a family that served God, there may be things they didn't make decisions on that you must make decisions on. It's not enough to simply come from a Christian family. We must draw a line in the sand and demand that our lives will look like Scripture says they should look. That's what I call intentional family values.
Stop looking at successful families and saying, "Well, sure, of course I could have a good family if my kids were that happy or polite." Why do you think they're happy and polite? How did they get respectful? How did they get educated? How did they get successful? It's not accidental. It's not just good genes. It's intentional.
Some of us live our lives like we just washed up on a beach somewhere. Zero intentionality. But I'm looking for people who, despite their upbringing or difficulties, are going to push through and say, "I believe God has deposited something special in me. I have zero statistics to show me my family will be successful, but I know God has put something in me. I'm going to fight for something greater."
Four Pillars of Great Families
1. Great Families Are Committed to the Ways of God
Joshua didn't say, "I hope we serve the Lord." He said, "We will serve the Lord." That means whatever God says, this is what we do in my family. We take seriously what the Lord says.
You may not inherit a legacy of godliness, but you can initiate one. Direction always determines destination.
When Amy and I found out she was pregnant with our daughter Mia, we got very serious. We talked and talked about what we were going to do, how we were going to raise our kids, what the non-negotiables would be. We asked ourselves: What are we going to do when she's little and throws my glasses across the room and says no? How are we going to deal with that?
This concept of living like you washed up on a beach happens when people have kids too. They've never thought about these things. They end up being dominated for the rest of their life because they don't want to be "mean." Sometimes you've got to do the difficult thing.
We chose to use language like "You may not do that" instead of just "no." There's an ideology behind it. We're teaching authority and respect. We're teaching that there are some things you may do because we're allowing you to do that. If you want to foster an atmosphere where people are respected and honored and understand parameters, it takes intentionality.
Second Timothy 3:16-17 says, "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." Notice what the Bible is used for: someone who doesn't have something figured out and is being bettered through God's word.
Teaching means there's something they don't know. Rebuking means something they've done needs to be called out. Correcting is that gentle correction. Training means they need to be taught. Some people are so afraid to rebuke because they're afraid of offending someone, but you can't grow until you're rebuked.
When my kids are fully grown, I want to be able to say that they are thoroughly equipped. That's the goal of a parent. We're not raising kids who always feel like they have to be right next to us. The goal is to train them up the way the Bible says and turn them loose on the world, confident they're going to serve God and make the decisions in line with His word and our values.
2. Great Families Are Planted in the House of God
Psalm 92:13 says, "Those that are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God." Planting is not attendance. It's commitment. God's house is where faith is modeled, practiced, and passed down.
Being planted means three things: weathering storms, staying nurtured, and producing fruit.
You're going to disagree with any place if you stick around long enough. You'll hear things and think, "That's not true. I don't like the way they said that." Someone didn't make eye contact, didn't say happy birthday when it was your birthday. There are going to be so many potential offenses. This doesn't only apply to family, this applies to church too!
Being planted means learning how to weather storms, deal with disagreement, deal with conflict with other believers, demonstrate forgiveness, and let things go.
Staying nurtured means personal growth and development is necessary. Your family is going to go through crisis. Sometimes crisis makes a family fall apart if they don't have intentional family values. You've got to stay nurtured. Have you heard people say, "I left that church because I wasn't getting fed"? I've never seen a shepherd stick food in a sheep's mouth. I've seen them lead them to pastures. It's the sheep's responsibility to eat once they get there. Being fed is a personal issue.
Producing fruit means everyone contributes. The Bible says God sets the members in the body as it pleases Him. He puts us in certain bodies because He knows your gifts will empower that local body to do everything He's called them to do. It's the same with a personal family. Everyone plays a role and contributes.
3. Great Families Love and Honor One Another
Romans 12:10 says, "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor others above yourself." Honor is recognizing value in people. We should make people feel important and valuable because they are. God sees their value.
In the early days when Amy and I became senior pastors, I heard someone who worked for us talking to a volunteer in a way that wasn't honoring. When I spoke to them about it, I said, "Why would you ever speak to someone that way? Have I ever spoken to you that way?" It's the same in family. If you're speaking to your kids in a way that's honoring and loving, yet your kids aren't speaking to other people with that same honor and love, they're taking a liberty that doesn't belong to them. Honor and love must flow from the top down.
4. Great Families Do Life Together
Time together builds trust. Shared meals create conversation. Prayer together establishes spiritual alignment. One of my favorite things about my personal family is that we love being around each other. We hang out almost every single night, whether watching TV, playing a game, talking, or eating food together.
When mom and dad say, "Does everyone want to come over tonight?" we just get in the car and go. What do we do there? I don't know. We just hang out. We just spend time together because that's what family does. We share our lives together.
I want church family to be the same way. I love that I have relationships born here at this church with people I never would have met, people who literally speak languages I don't understand, from completely different countries. They're now like brothers and sisters to me. I love what the opportunity church gives us to expand our world.
Drawing Your Line in the Sand
My mom came from a very dysfunctional family. My dad had some stuff going on in his family too. But I love that both of them drew a line in the sand and gave me an opportunity to raise a family differently.
I hope you take this moment today to say, "I want to raise my family the way God wants me to. I'm glad to be a part of a church that encourages that and opens the opportunity for me to be part of that."
City of Life is a hospital for the hurting, a haven of hope. It's creative. It's a multi-generational family. That doesn't just apply to people with Smith as a last name. It's about spiritual sons and daughters. It's a place where your kids will be able to celebrate our 80-year anniversary as a church someday, not just the 40-year anniversary.
Different generations, different cultures, one name, one Father, one family. We don't just attend here. We belong here.
