As we kick off our Lovestrong series at City of Life, I want to tackle something that's close to my heart: dating and singleness in today's world. Whether you're single, dating, or preparing for marriage, understanding God's perspective on love is crucial for building healthy relationships.

What Is Love? (And No, Don't Start Singing That 90s Song)

Let me ask you something: What is love? If you asked a hundred different people, you'd probably get a hundred different answers. But as Christians, we need to understand something fundamental: God is love. It's a short phrase but incredibly powerful.

Here's where many of us go wrong. We try to define love based on our feelings or experiences. That's like asking someone from Southern California to define the sun. They might say, "Oh, the sun is so warm and makes me feel good!" But go to Phoenix in summer, and it'll set your clothes on fire! I'm talking about airplane tires melting on the tarmac. The closer you get to the sun in a spaceship, you're not getting a warm feeling, you're getting a dead feeling.

Love is much bigger than our personal experiences of it. To understand true love, we need to look at how God defines Himself.

God's Definition of Love: Six Key Characteristics

In Exodus 34:6-7, God gives us His own definition of who He is, and therefore, what love truly is:

1. Compassionate - He feels deeply for people and cares for them

2.  Gracious - He gives freely

3. Slow to anger -  He's patient, not quick-tempered

4. Abounding in love and faithfulness - He's consistently reliable

5. Forgiving - He offers mercy for our failures

6. Just - He doesn't let poor behavior go unnoticed

Singleness: Not Second Best

Let me be clear about something - singleness is not second class to marriage. Look at some of the most impactful people in the Bible: Jesus, Paul, Timothy, John the Baptist, Mary of Bethany – all single! Paul straight-up tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:7 that singleness is a gift, just as marriage is a gift.

Sometimes we need to stop looking at something as a curse that God meant as a gift. There are seasons in life where we need to embrace exactly where we are. If you're single and feeling like you need someone to complete you, let me tell you – whoever you think will complete you will only temporarily satisfy until you realize that Jesus is the only one who can truly complete us.

Modern Dating: Navigating Uncharted Waters

I've memorized every scripture in the Bible about dating. Ready? Here they are: 

[crickets]

That's right, there aren't any! Dating as we know it is an extremely modern concept, really only about 100 years old. Before that, it was mostly arranged marriages or strict courtship.

So how do we navigate dating as Christians? I believe the key is finding someone who's running the same race, at the same place, and moving at the same pace spiritually. It's like trying to have a conversation with someone walking in front of you.  It doesn't work if you're moving at different speeds.

The Five Areas That Matter Most

Instead of focusing on who to look for, let's talk about who to BE. In 1 Timothy 4:12, we get five crucial areas to work on:

1. Speech

Your words reveal what's in your heart. Pay attention to how someone talks. Are they constantly gossiping? Negative? What comes out under pressure? From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

2. Conduct

Your reputation is your conduct over time. Social media can lie – those perfect profile pictures don't tell the whole story. Watch how someone treats people who can't advance them. That tells you everything about their character.

3. Love

Look at where people spend their time and resources. Anyone can say they love God, but what do their actions show? True love looks like 1 Corinthians 13 – patient, kind, unselfish.

4. Faith

You need to be equally yoked. It's hard to run a spiritual race if one person's sprinting toward Jesus while the other's going in a different direction. Don't just look for a "soul mate" – look for a "sole mate" who's committed to the same spiritual journey.

5. Purity

This is huge in 2025, especially with the prevalence of pornography. Our bodies are God's temples – He owns them. Think of it like lending your car to someone. You have the right to set the terms because you own it. Similarly, God sets the terms for how we use our bodies.

Shopping in the Right Place

There's something inherently funny about shopping at Walmart. You go in for milk and come out with tires, a Neti Pot, and an OLED TV for watching The Mandalorian in 4K. There are too many options, too many distractions.

Dating can be like that if you're looking in the wrong places. You might find a Bible at Walmart if you're lucky, but you're guaranteed to find one in a Christian bookstore. Similarly, if you want to find someone who shares your values and faith, be intentional about where you're looking.

Final Thoughts

Whether you're single or dating, focus first on becoming the person God has called you to be. When you do that, you'll naturally attract people who are in the same place, running the same race, at the same pace.

Remember, love isn't just about finding "the one" – it's about becoming the one God has called you to be. When you focus on that, everything else tends to fall into place.